Not all songs are proper for texting kids

You know how you fall in love (yes, that thing) with someone and all of sudden you become one of those people that feel compelled to write song lyrics to him/her? You do? Good. Move on to Fig1. If not, scroll down to Fig. 3

Fig. 1 - sharing song lyrics and mixtapes (remember those?) is the awesomely cheesy, John Hughes kinda way to tell someone you love them. So when you find that person, don't scare them off with weird song lyric choices.

Exhibit A - The Police "Every Breath You Take"
the classic pseudo stalker song that, despite being really well written (and sexified thanks to Sting and his hair in all it's black and white chromatic flare) is absolutely the WRONG SONG to text song lyrics from. It makes all the classic mistakes. Watching, stalking, waiting... is he a a NARC? Stalker? My uncle Pedro? Who knows. All we know is, don't text "I'll be watching you" and expect a reply that doesn't involve a restraining order.


Exhibit B - Billy Ocean "Get into my Car"
Didn't mom tell you not to ride with strangers???? Seriously Billy? She's in your dreams (first red flag) and you want her in your car (second red flag). You know who else did this don't cha?.... Jeffrey Dahmer. I'm just saying. Moving on.

Exhibit C -  R, Kelly "You Remind me of Something"
OK...seriously? A Jeep?? I want to wax it? Need I say anymore?


Fig. 2 - So, that place. Love. It's awesome sure, but it's also scary. But you're here and you should be wary of how you express it. So listen to Sinatra or Smokey Robinson or even Hall n Oates for fuck sakes, at least those guys let it be known. I love you and I'm not going to kill you. And that means a lot. Unless...

Fig. 3 - You probably live in your mom's basement, World of Warcraft is real, every woman you've ever known is foldable and/or every man you've known miraculously lives 3000 miles from you but, you know, "we're getting married" (...to Donny Wahlberg circa 1989. Yeah, we remember).

OK kids. Go out there and love someone... verbally.